Finally, it seems like I’m getting to the end of the chemo journey.  Now if I don’t have to do radiation, that would mean I could finish out my surgeries and get back to regular life.  The only different will be that I had to go through this whole ordeal….well, that and I think I appreciate things a little more….like my family, my wonderful husband.  People say they go through life changing experiences all of the time.  I never expected to go through one myself.

5th chemo went well.  White blood count dipped low, down to .6, but it should be back up and I feel alright.  We have been really busy helping my boss out with a house that he is trying to sell.  I probably spent over 40 hours there cleaning, picking up, landscaping, or taking pictures.  Since I have been having a hard time sleeping throughtout the whole chemo thing, all this work really didn’t hep.  It’s almost like my adrenaline was going 24/7.  Now that we are done with the house, maybe I can finally get some sleep.

I’m excited about my last chemo.  Sound weird?  Maybe….but it marks the end of a hard journey.  People always tell me how great I look, and how I have been doing so well on chemo…..except for the baldness, everyone says that they wouldn’t even know I was sick.  I actually had other cancer patients (they beat different types of cancer) ask me about my bandana, then ask how my treatments were going.  I find that people who go through something similar to this are more willing to ask then people who have never been through similar experiences….its almost like I’m in some sort of disease club, and only those who have been around disease recognize the signs and try to give their support.  Not that I want to be part of this type of club (no one wants to), but its nice to have the support of those who know more about what I am going through.

I am not impressed with the way chemo is going.  Actually, its not chemo so much as how it makes me feel….tired, achy, run down…..and this is supposed to be a good thing?  My white blood count is at its lowest, which is 0.6  I am told that I should start recovering from that in a couple of days, but I should avoid fresh fruit, fresh vegtables, crowds, children (good thing I don’t have any yet), and generally everything else.  Sometimes I feel like I should just be in a bubble so I can avoind germs altogether.  Oh, and I should be OCD about my hands.  Wash them, then Wash them, and I may want to wash them again just to be safe.  I know this is supposed to benefit me in the long run (we hope), but it just seems like having to kill your body to make things better just doesn’t work.  Seems like a weird way of thinking to me. 

 Am I using this blog to complain?  Sure.  Hopefully that doesn’t make me a bad person.

I talked to a good friend today…its been a while since we’ve been able to catch up….actually over a month to catch each other at the right time.  It felt good to talk to a friend about stuff that has been bothering me.  I tell you, the steriods that they put you on with chemo really make me want to punch something for no reason.  I find myself yelling at my husband (who does not deserve it) for absolutely no reason.  I’m glad he understands, but I’m sure it still bothers/hurts him when I yell the way I do.  I tried to prevent myself this past weekend from yelling for no reason….I tried to think about what I was going to say before I said it, I tried to let him know that I appreciated all the help that he gives, and I apologized ahead of time just in case I opened my big fat mouth and said something that was completely uncalled for.

I knew chempo wasn’t going to be a picnic…..but I was hoping that my age (and good health for the most part) would be in my favor.  Counting down until I am done!

I will probably back track in a later post, but my 4th chemo treatment went well.  I go back tomorrow to get a blood test to see how my white blood cells are affected this time.  I actually didn’t feel as tired as I normally do, and I feel like I slept less than I normally do after chemo.  I normally take naps in the days following chemo….chemo happens on a Wednesday, I go back in on a Thursday for my white blood cell booster shot, and then Friday I stay home and do nothing.  Well, I do that all weekend on “chemo weekend”.  The thing that bothers me the most about chemo is that I feel completely useless.  I try not to get down about the whole thing, but that does get hard.  Mainly because I feel really tired on the days following.  Common theme - I feel tired…..run down.  I feel pretty good today, and its been 5 days since I was pumped full of TAC chemo.

Okay, I have a regular website, but instead of trying to photoshop a blog, I figured I would start posting here (until I get more website oriented).  Hello to all, and I hope to spend some times getting the word out about breast cancer and how it has affected my life (and my husband’s).