I am not impressed with the way chemo is going. Actually, its not chemo so much as how it makes me feel….tired, achy, run down…..and this is supposed to be a good thing? My white blood count is at its lowest, which is 0.6 I am told that I should start recovering from that in a couple of days, but I should avoid fresh fruit, fresh vegtables, crowds, children (good thing I don’t have any yet), and generally everything else. Sometimes I feel like I should just be in a bubble so I can avoind germs altogether. Oh, and I should be OCD about my hands. Wash them, then Wash them, and I may want to wash them again just to be safe. I know this is supposed to benefit me in the long run (we hope), but it just seems like having to kill your body to make things better just doesn’t work. Seems like a weird way of thinking to me.
Am I using this blog to complain? Sure. Hopefully that doesn’t make me a bad person.
I talked to a good friend today…its been a while since we’ve been able to catch up….actually over a month to catch each other at the right time. It felt good to talk to a friend about stuff that has been bothering me. I tell you, the steriods that they put you on with chemo really make me want to punch something for no reason. I find myself yelling at my husband (who does not deserve it) for absolutely no reason. I’m glad he understands, but I’m sure it still bothers/hurts him when I yell the way I do. I tried to prevent myself this past weekend from yelling for no reason….I tried to think about what I was going to say before I said it, I tried to let him know that I appreciated all the help that he gives, and I apologized ahead of time just in case I opened my big fat mouth and said something that was completely uncalled for.
I knew chempo wasn’t going to be a picnic…..but I was hoping that my age (and good health for the most part) would be in my favor. Counting down until I am done!
